What Will You Do to End Bullying?

8/12/2014

This week seems to have marked the return to school for most kids, teens and teachers, at least in Oklahoma. I have seen some adorable pictures posted on Facebook of parents sending their children off to school either for the very first time or as returning students whose summer vacations have come to an end. Either way, the proud parent is sending their child off into a safe, learning environment where they will meet new friends and have a spectacular year of progress and educational prosperity. For a huge majority this is more than likely true, but for some students, it is the beginning of almost 10 months of hell.

I am not saying this to terrify any parent into thinking their child is not safe in school. I am just saying, there are bullies, there are the children being bullied and unless somehow we have morphed into a serene, peace loving society, then BULLYING is going to happen. The questions is, what are YOU prepared to do to end it? What are you going to tell the child who is being bullied, if you are fortunate enough for them to share it with you? What are you as a parent or teacher going to tell the child who is the bully? The questions are as hard as the answers, because quite frankly I don't know if anyone has the magic answer because if they did, I wouldn't be writing this blog tonight.

I do have hope. I do have faith in the human spirit. I do believe that as a society we can work together to make our homes and schools a safe haven for children. It will take lots of work and commitment, not only from the parents, the entire family, the children, the education faculty, the local, state and federal government, but it can be done. If we, as a nation, are stepping in to help children around the world, starving, terrified and in desperate need of help, then we also have to be willing to put the same amount of energy and resources into making sure our children in our own cities are safe. So again I ask the question, what are you going to do to end bullying? How many more children do we have to lose to suicide due to bullying?

I know my blog is new, but I ask these questions with the hope of starting a dialog here. This is a safe place to express your opinions, your thoughts and concerns. I don't have all the answers and I don't claim to, but I am open to suggestions. I am willing to work on making our schools, homes and nation a safer place for our children. I am committing to go out on a limb to talk to adults about what and how they say things to young, impressionable kids. I am willing to talk to young kids and let them know there are safe places for them to come and talk to people who care. I am willing to look a bully in the eye and say "STOP IT." I am a non-violent person and I believe this is a situation where violence isn't the answer, but it will be uncomfortable, it will take nerve and daring. But as a survivor of bullying, I feel it is an obligation of mine, a pay it forward moment for surviving, for learning from my struggles and for making amends with some of those who bullied me. For the others, who is to say they even know they were a bully? I haven't seen them or talked to many of them in maybe 25-30 years, maybe longer. But the point is, I am empowered because I believe in myself, I embrace my differences, hell, I actually love that I am different. We have to let our kids know it is perfectly fine to be different.

I also will not sit here and lecture on suicide not being the answer, without first saying it had crossed my mind many times in the past when I was growing up. It didn't have anything to do with my family, it was the incessant taunting, of being made to feel inadequate, a freak, a sissy and much worse, all because I was and am GAY. I didn't even know in the beginning that it was called gay, I just knew I was different; and from what I was being told at church I was an abomination. Yes, that bullying came from my church. But as time went on, things got better, not an entire cessation of it, but it did get better. That is what I love so much about the It Get's Better campaign. If you have not seen it please visit their website at www.itgetsbetter.org or look it up on YouTube and make sure you let a child in need, a teenager in need or an adult in need watch it. You can even watch a video of President Obama and Vice-President Joe Biden talking about It Gets Better. I am living proof that it does get better. Each day, each year is a blessing now. We need to let our children feel this way too.

Use the comment section below and leave me your feedback. Let's get this conversation started before its too late for another child. You can also visit It Gets Better on their Facebook page. #backtoschool #endbullying #bully

Have a peaceful night!

Johnny Bryan Ward

3 Comments

Brittney

8/12/2014 03:36:01 pm

We had a lot of issues with bullying when we first got custody of our niece and nephew; however, it was on the different side of bullying. Our niece was becoming a dangerous bully. She came very close to actually physically hurting another student. Her 8 years on this Earth has been living hell. I am not exaggerating. She has had an abused past. Now I am saying this only to say that this was her cause for distress. She is too young to realize that she was not angry at herself or these kids. We sought counseling for her bullying behavior, but mainly her past. We used those tools to let her know how her actions were making others feel. I was bullied in elementary school. I was lucky enough to have friends in school that put an end to it. So I have been on two sides of this situation.
The thing that worked the best for us (I am not saying this is right for everyone) was to make it a habit of placing her in their shoes. Basically a stop, think, and feel technique. So, before she would say something or do something mean, stop yourself mentally and physically, think about what you were going to do or say, and get into their shoes and feel what it would be like to have that done to her. It made a tremendous difference. She apologized to the students she was mean to, and dealt with the her feelings of those who wouldn't forgive her. She wrote notes to the worst of the kiddos. She became proactive.
Lile I said this worked for us. It may not work for you, but I believe in my heart that the parents of the bully should be involved in any discussions. We need to stop the bullying any way we can. We need to keep communicating, get involved in the school and our children's life. I know it's hard because we are all so busy now, but take that 10 - 15 minutes to speak with your children everyday without your phone. Allow them to talk, really talk about what is going on in their day. Ask if they are affected by bullying, and ask what we can do to help them. Become a presence in the school, so others can feel comfortable about speaking out against this.
Keeping quiet is not good. We need to be loud about this. There is no reason a child should lose their life just because we may be embarrassed or too shy to talk about this. We need to make sure the bullied kids and the kids who bully have someone to talk to that they feel will believe, listen, and do something about it.

Clay link

8/13/2014 02:06:22 am

thanks for sharing your story Brittney, hopefully this technique is something others will try. It was mentioned in an earlier post that sometimes the bullies are not the most obvious ones. Hope your niece and nephew are doing much better now.

Johnny Bryan Ward

8/15/2014 01:38:48 pm

Brittney, you and your husband have done an amazing job with your niece and nephew. What you have given them is priceless. Stability, love and knowing you are always on their side is something they will treasure for the rest of their life. Keep up the good work!

What Will You Do to End Bullying?

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